One Day at a Time
Many of us have been deeply hurt in our romantic relationships. Sometimes our partners hurt us; other times we have been shamed by our behavior toward them and are left with profound low self-esteem. Learning to live “One Day At A Time” in a romantic relationship can be very difficult. Past wounds seem to be reopened with each new harm we experience or cause. Even romantic partners with no shared past will find past emotional wound incurred in other romantic or familial relationships come roaring to the surface when a relatively minor wrong has been committed by his or her current romantic partner.
We agree that it can be difficult to stay in the moment when your partner is behaving in a way that you find hurtful. The normal tendency is to quickly remember all the times in the past when your partner has caused you pain. Painful memories awaken so quickly that it is also common to unknowingly re-experience feelings linked with the hurts associated with other partners. The recollection of past hurts will cause the present situation to appear much worse than it actually is. Likewise, when we are feeling ashamed of the way that we have injured a loved one, we are likely to awaken the feelings from past experiences as well. It is difficult to examine one’s wrong in a fair light when we have one foot in the future fearing what will come and one foot in the past dreading repetition. Stay in the day and live the relationship one day at a time.
Deal with today’s problems today. They will become resistant to change if you bury them especially when they have time to ferment in the resentments you may have from past hurts.