Risk of Relapse- Part 2

We are glad you have returned for Part 2 which is intended to provide you with an overview of the first five steps.

In the early 1970’s, alcoholism was dubbed the lonely man’s disease. While it is true that addictive disorders generate a wide variety of emotional patterns, the loneliness that both addicts and co-addicts experience is a hallmark feature of the illness. It would appear that the author had more than a passing exposure to the nature of an addictive illness because the moniker, if modified to include females, would partially describe every victim of addiction that we have ever met. The 12 Step recovery process that you began in the first three steps can take you from loneliness and desperation to a place of genuine companionship and hope.

The first three steps of the twelve-step process of recovery from addictive disorders read:

1. We admitted we were powerless over (our addictive process) – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Steps 1-3 provide the foundation for the development of a way of life that leads the victims of the addiction from a solitary position of “I” to the united reliance on a fellowship of “we.” The essential elements of the initial surrender process, which culminate in the Third Step, are summarized in the “ABC’s” of recovery as referenced in Alcoholics Anonymous (1953, p. 60):

      (a)That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.

      (b)That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.

      (c) That God could and would if He were sought.

The 1^st Step [1], said to be the only absolute requirement for recovery, requires an admission that your problematic behavior was neither a bad habit nor a cultural difference, but rather an addiction. Your declaration of unmanageability will have required great humility because acceptance of defeat comes painfully slow to most of us.  The stories, which described our respective bottoms, vary greatly in both the breadth and depth of powerlessness and unmanageability a sufferer will endure before hitting his or her “bottom.” The tasks associated with the completion of a 1^st Step will vary from fellowship to fellowship and sponsor to sponsor.   While there is no universally accepted definition of the bottom, you will know that you have hit yours by your willingness to acknowledge the need for help outside of yourself.  The idea that “probably no human power” will suffice brings the need for further humility in the 2^nd Step. [1]

The 2^nd  Step, often over looked because it is thought to be repeating the obvious dilemma already addressed in the First Step, is a vital step in the initial surrender process. Many newcomers will miss the inference that will hopefully become obvious with time.  If all of our problems were related to the addictive substance or behavior and the problem was eliminated when we established abstinence, then why would there be a need for a Second Step.  

The 2^nd Step is not restating the obvious.  It implies that our sanity is not returned simply because we resign ourselves to being powerless.  Some recovery circles have defined “insanity” as the tendency to repeatedly do the same things over and over again while expecting different results.  The unmanageability that re-emerges for those who only establish abstinence is a painful example of this insanity.  We need to do more than put the proverbial “cork in the jug.” The alcoholic who stops drinking but continues to romance the good old days and the food addict who avoids contraband foods but gorges on salad has put the cork in the jug, but both are still behaving like an addict. The recovering sex addict who merely stops the more socially unacceptable aspects of acting out behavior without replacing his/her reliance on external sources of pleasure will eventually himself be teasing the addiction.  The 1^st Step does not represent surrender.  For some it is barely more than a resignation. The relief obtained from the admission found in the 1^st Step will be short lived if not followed by the pursuit of a Power greater than ourselves.  We have a great deal to change about the way that we manage our emotions and interact with others.  We will need a power greater than our own to identify and make those changes.

The 3^rd Step [1] completes the initial stage of a three-part surrender process that will continue in the Fifth Step.  Whether you believe in God; deny that God’s existence is provable; or believe you can prove the non-existence of God; you will need to develop a relationship with a Power greater than yourself.  We cannot see ourselves clearly without the help of others and we cannot change what we cannot see.  To make matters worse, we appear to be equipped with the ultimate weapon of self-destruction: free will.  In the coming steps you will learn much about healthy uses for your will but for now it is important to remember that much of our injury has occurred because we are free to do as we please.  Your sponsor might joke with you that your best thinking has gotten you in this mess, but it is hardly a joke.  Your thinking will need to change.  The way you cope with your emotions will need to change.  The way you interrelate with others will need to change.  You will find that we are always changing.  We are either moving forward or we are moving backward.  The choice is yours.  This would be a good time to exercise your free will to develop a God of your own understanding.  The power greater than yourself can be your group conscience, sense of a greater power of the universe, or the collective thinking and wisdom of those you trust. Please do not trust your recovery to yourself.  We sometimes get defensive when our support group members challenge us to get out of our own heads.  It is sound advice because our thinking can get us into a great deal of trouble. After all, our thinking occurs in a place where there is no adult supervision.

The road each of us takes through the first three steps can be a long and arduous one, but the Steps themselves are quite simple because most of the painful, hard work was done when we were active in our illness.  If you hit bottom you will have already suffered the lessons you would need to move beyond the powerlessness and unmanageability to acceptance of the need for a power greater than yourself to begin the healing process that would return your sanity.  We have all paid our dues.  The first three steps can be simply summed up as: I can’t, He can, and I’ll let him.

The difficulty that you had getting to and through the 3^rd Step depended largely on how far down the scale of powerlessness and unmanageability you descended before you were ready to accept help.  Those who have been beaten into submission under the lash of addiction have generally been more readily accepting of the need for a spiritual solution to the addiction problem.  Others have struggled in quiet desperation for what appears an eternity trying to avoid the need for a reliance on any power other than their own.  Still others remained in a riotous rebellion against the idea that they would need to submit their will or life to the care of anyone or anything.  The elevator of addiction goes straight to the bottom if you don’t get off.  Some choose to take the ride all the way to the bottom, which, as the saying goes: ends in jails, institutions, or death.  The elevator unfortunately only goes in one direction.  If you want out of the free fall to the bottom you will have to exit the elevator and take the Steps back up to the sunlight.

The 4th Step [1] was the step that began to clear away the debris of your life in addiction so you can climb the Steps to a new freedom and a new happiness.  The next five steps would complete the task of clearing away the wreckage.  Once you have completed your inventory you moved out to share your discoveries with God, another human being, and yourself.

The 5^th Step [1] provided you with an opportunity to hear the whole story for the first time.  Odd … yes it is.  But the reality for most of us is that the story has never really been told before and while we had more than a cameo appearance in it, we seldom have much of an understanding of what was happening.  The risk that you took to share your secret world with God and another human being represented the second phase in the surrender process and you began to develop a sense of what it was going to mean to live on a spiritual plane.

Please join us for the next article in the series which explores the purpose and benefit of this important step work.